Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, introduces tactical empathy—the ability to understand and acknowledge the emotions of the other party without necessarily agreeing with them. This helps build trust and makes the other person more open to your proposals.

How to use tactical empathy:

• Label emotions: “It seems like you’re frustrated with the current terms.”
• Use mirroring: Repeat the last few words your counterpart said to encourage them to share more.
• Encourage “No”: Instead of forcing a “Yes,” ask, “Is this a bad time to talk?” It makes people feel more in control.

People fear losses more than they desire gains. Instead of selling benefits, highlight what they might lose if they don’t act.

• Instead of saying, “This will improve efficiency by 20%,” try “Without this, you risk falling behind competitors by 20%.”

Shapiro, a Harvard negotiation expert, warns against zero-sum thinking—the idea that one person’s gain is another’s loss. Instead, successful negotiators expand the pie by finding creative ways to meet both parties’ needs.

How to expand the pie:

• Ask, “What’s most important to you in this deal?”
• Look for non-monetary benefits: flexibility, reputation, or long-term partnership.
• Reframe conflicts as joint problems to be solved together.

Anticipate and address negative assumptions upfront to diffuse tension.

• If negotiating a price, say: “I know you might think this is too expensive, and that’s completely fair. Let’s talk about why it’s priced this way.”
• Acknowledging their concerns before they voice them builds trust and reduces resistance.

People are more likely to agree to something big if they’ve already said “yes” to smaller requests.

• Start with small agreements: “Would you agree that customer service is a priority?”
• Build up to the larger request: “Great—then let’s explore how this solution can help improve your service.”

Negotiations often fail because of emotional triggers.

• Recognize identity threats: People resist deals that threaten their values or status.
• Build rapport: Find common ground before diving into numbers.
• Stay calm and patient: Emotional outbursts can derail discussions.